


Beneath The Starless Night (We're Lost)

by Ken_Bear



Category: VIXX
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2016-07-02
Packaged: 2018-06-02 19:14:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6579046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ken_Bear/pseuds/Ken_Bear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hakyeon is still Jaehwan's whole world and Hongbin just wants Jaehwan to love him back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

The sky is lighter than usual at this time of night, the transition from winter to spring in full effect. It's warmer out too, Jaehwan notes as he sets the jacket that he brought with him down at his feet. He takes off his shoes, the sand cold against his feet as he walks towards the water that rolls against the ground. There are other footprints left in the sand from the people who came here in the earlier hours of the day. Jaehwan heard all of their voices, how happy they all sounded, from a window that was open in his house that was just off to the left of the shore. Jaehwan watched and waited for them to all leave so that he could have the place to himself.

The faint sound of a door slaming shut echos in the distance and Jaehwan knows who it is. He sighs loudly at the unwelcomed company he gets every night as he waits for something to happen, to change. Jaehwan doesn't know what he is waiting for, and he hopes he never finds out.

He kicks the water at his feet when the tide rolls back to him. Jaehwan watched the water retract then come back, retract, and come back. It's the only thing that comes running back to him.

Jaehwan hears the steps in the sand and he wants to turn around and scream at them to leave him alone for once, but the words gets stuck in his throat everytime. He curls his hands that hang at his sides into fists and clenches his jaw. He wants to just be alone, but no one gets what they want the most these days.

"Hey…" The voice has Jaehwan releasing all the tension from his body and Jaehwan almost feels the corners of his mouth lift. He hasn't smiled in months.

Jaehwan looks to his right and feels a wave of calm run through his body when he sees Hongbin standing by his side already. Jaehwan notices that Hongbin's hair is a light brown now instead of black and he wants to ask why Hongbin changed it but he shoves the words back down. _Change is good_ , Jaehwan thinks. He wishes he could change, but he's still stuck in the past.

"Why… why do you think he left me here?" Jaehwan asks, his voice just above a whisper. Hongbin can't help to imagine what it feels like to be broken to the point where others can see it in only a glance. Jaehwan looks up at the night sky, but there were no stars out tonight. They never came out anymore.

"He realized you loved someone else before you could realize it yourself." Hongbin says and Jaehwan tries his hardest to not lash out at Hongbin like he usually does when Hongbin says that.

"I… that's not true though!" Jaehwan stutters. "I love him."

"At the time maybe, but that's not now."

Jaehwan opens his mouth to say something at the first thing Hongbin says, but closed it at the last part.

"You're living in the past, Jaehwan. Get it thorugh your head that he isn't coming back to you. He's moved on and now you need to."

Jaehwan sighs and he moves his foot back, trying to get away from Hongbin but Hongbin grabs his hand before Jaehwan could step away.

He doesn't know why, but Jaehwan takes the action of intwining his fingers with Hongbin's like he does every night. It doesn't feel right with Hongbin, feels like he shouldn't be doing it. I'm not cheating, he is gone.

Jaehwan looks up at the sky again, hoping to see atleast one star. The stars were always Jaehwan's favorite and Hongbin remembers watching Jaehwan have to drag Hakyeon out here around midnight to look at the brightest ones. He hasn't seen the stars since Hakyeon had left, almost a year. Hongbin looks at Jaehwan and follows his gaze.

"Where do you think the stars went?" Hongbin asks and he doesn't point out the fact anymore that the stars are everywhere in the sky because Jaehwan would argue that there are none. Jaehwan doesn't notice them anymore.

"WIth Hakyeon." Jaehwan says simply. Hongbin looks back at him and he notices Jaehwan's eyes searching the night sky. Jaehwan smiles for once and Hongbin can almost hear the smile cracking Jaehwan's face. Jaehwan's hold on Hongbin's hand loosens for a couple of seconds but Hongbin smiles when Jaehwan tightens his grip again. The smile fades away from Jaehwan's face almost as soon as Hongbin looked at it, almost too fast so that Jaehwan would be able to say he didn't notice he was smiling.

With Hakyeon, Jaehwan always had a smile on his face, stood taller and more confident, never paid attention to the little things about the world, and he never realized he would ever lose the one person he wanted to be with. Without Hakyeon, Jaehwan is a mess. Hongbin is still trying to peice Jaehwan back together but Hakyeon took the most important peices with him when he left, the most important parts of Jaehwan missing. Jaehwan doesn't remember much, but he knows that Hakyeon will never fade away, will always be the most recent memory in his mind.

When Hakyeon was still here Hongbin heard how happy Jaehwan was and Hongbin just wants Jaehwan to be happy again. He tells himself everyday that patience is needed with things like this, _healing_ , but sometimes he just forgets. Hongbin wont ever forget, though, the times that Jaehwan would accidentally call him Hakyeon and the look on Jaehwan's face right after. The first time it happened, Jaehwan cried and cried, not being able to look at Hongbin. Hongbin gets jealous when it happens and he has to remind himself constantly that Jaehwan isn't his yet. That he can't make Jaehwan feel the way that Hakyeon could and that Jaehwan is still so desperatly in love with Hakyeon.

Hongbin realizes, his thoughts interrupted, that Jaehwan has been talking for the last few seconds and Hongbin hates having to ask Jaehwan to repeat himself.

"I saw Hakyeon today, while I was out." Jaehwan repeats and Hongbin notices that Jaehwan's voice doesn't shake saying his name anymore. It's a step.

"What did you do?" Hongbin asks, but he already knows what Jaehwan is going to say.

"I-I tried to push through people to get to him… but there were so many people." Jaehwan starts. "He looked at me and I saw him move his lips, almost looked- like he said my name but I'm not sure." Jaehwan's voice cracks and Hongbin can see the strain in his neck.

Hongbin pulls Jaehwan into a hug and Jaehwan wraps his arms around Hongbin's waist, pulling him closer. Jaehwan whimpers and begins to cry. Hongbin can hear the sniffles and he holds Jaehwan tighter when Jaehwan tries to pull away.

"I-It's not fair." Jaehwan mumbles in Hongbin's shoulder and he removes a hand from Hongbin's waist to wipe the tears from his cheeks. "I did everything for him and he leaves me because he thinks I'm in love with someone else. Who even _does_ that?"

The words sting Hongbin a little but he doesn't pay much attention to them. "He was protecting himself from getting hurt when realized who you really love in the end."  
Jaehwan pushed gently at Hongbin's chest and Hongbin lets him go. "But I love him." Jaehwan's voice still shakes and Hongbin cups his face with his hands, thumbs wiping away Jaehwan's tears.

"I know." Hongbin whispers. Jaehwan grabs Hongbin's wrists with his hands and Hongbin thinks that Jaehwan was going to push him away. Instead, Jaehwan leans into one of Hongbin's hands, running his lips over Hongbin's palm as his eyes close. Hongbin has seen him do that with Hakyeon before but Hongbin lets him continue to do it. "I know, Jaehwan. But now you have to accept the fact that it's time to move on."

"How?" Jaehwan mumbles against Hongbin's hands.

"I dont know, Jaehwan." Hongbin sighs lightly. "But I'm here for you."


	2. Two

**January 1st 2015**

_5…4…3…2…1_

_Jaehwan can hear the cheers from where he stands on the shore, his feet submerged in the cold water. It's New Years and Hakyeon had wanted to throw a party so Jaehwan let him even though he wasn't made to be in big crowds. Hakyeon had begged him to stay by the house until it hit midnight but Jaehwan managed to sneak away. It's calming out here by himself, more calming than a bunch of friends could ever be._

_A couple minutes pass before Hakyeon joins him and Jaehwan wishes that he hadn't. Jaehwan likes being alone underneath the night sky, the stars all his._

_"I found you finally!" Hakyeon yells, louder than he should being that Jaehwan was right next to him._

_"Where else would I be?" Jaehwan scoffs. "I come out here every night."_

_Hakyeon shrugs his shoulders._

_The water soaks the bottom of Jaehwan's pants even with them rolled up a bit but Jaehwan doesn't mind it. Hakyeon entwines his hand with Jaehwan's, turning Jaehwan so that they are facing each other. Jaehwan opens his mouth to ask what he wants and why he couldn't be left alone for once but Hakyeon stops anything that Jaehwan could have said by connecting their lips. Jaehwan's lips are chapped from the cold air and Hakyeon's are soft. Jaehwan doesn't respond to the kiss for a few seconds, until Hakyeon bites his bottom lip._

_"New Years kiss." Hakyeon says when he pulls away and Jaehwan smiles, pulling Hakyeon into a hug. There are more cheers from the house and Hakyeon starts laughing into Jaehwan's chest. Jaehwan cracks a small smile as he rubs Hakyeon's back and a chuckle escapes his lips._

_"I love you, Hakyeon."_

_"I love you too."_

 

◇◆◇

 

**January 5th 2015**

_The stars twinkle in the night sky, some brighter than the others. Jaehwan searches through them not quite sure what he's looking for. It's nearing midnight and with the smile that graces Jaehwan's face, no one would be able to say that he was tired. The weather is more on the colder side tonight and Jaehwan begins to wish that he bought a jacket with him. He takes a few steps away from the water so that it doesn't touch him anymore, and it's as if the tide follows him by the way it comes further back on the sand to touch him. The tide never comes this far back. His focus never leaves the stars though._

_Jaehwan jumps when a jacket is thrown over his shoulders, arms winding around his waist. He smiles a bit wider. Hakyeon._

_"If I knew you did this everynight, I would have never moved in with you." Hakyeon mumbles into Jaehwan's shoulder._

_Jaehwan chuckles and turns around in Hakyeon's embrace, pulling Hakyeon closer to him. "Why?"_

_"Because it's freezing in your room when you leave me."_

_Jaehwan shrugged his shoulders. "That starts are beautiful though."_

_Jaehwan shifts his weight between his feet, rocking him and Hakyeon side to side. He looks up at the night sky again and Hakyeon sighs, pulling away from Jaehwan's hold. Hakyeon turns around and looks up at the sky with Jaehwan._

_"What do you even see out here?" Hakyeon whines and Jaehwan smiles as Hakyeon grabs his hand._

_"Everything."_

_Hakyeon ignores Jaehwan's answer, instead tugging and trying to get Jaehwan back inside their house. Jaehwan doesn't move very much though and Hakyeon gives up after a while. "Please, babe, come back to bed. It's cold and it's so late now, I know you have work in the morning."_

_Jaehwan glances at Hakyeon beffore taking his final look at the stars. "Fine." Jaehwan whispers and Hakyeon presses a kiss to Jaehwan's cheek before dragging him away from the shore._

_~_

_Jaehwan groans as he rolls out of bed, considering calling in sick today but he knows that if he does that they won't get this months bills paid. He watches Hakyeon curl into a ball, feels his heart break at the sight before he gets in the shower._

_~_

_His shift ends at noon and he cant wait to get home to Hakyeon. Hopefully Hakyeon was still in bed so that Jaehwan could go back to sleep with him._

_Jaehwan leaves ten minutes early, making sure that no one saw him sneak out of the back doors. Business was slow today anyways so Jaehwan was certain he wouldn't be needed._

_He tries to not speed the whole way home, also trying to keep his eyes open. He groans when he gets stopped at a red light and he checks his phone. Nothing from Hakyeon. Good, so maybe Hakyeon was still asleep. When Jaehwan gets home though, Hakyeon is already up and waiting for him._

_"Babe…" Jaehwan whines, closing the front door behind him and pouting. Hakyeon chuckles. "Why are you up already? I wanted to come home and sleep with you some more."_

_Hakyeon pulls Jaehwan into a hug, rubbing Jaehwan's back and Jaehwan drops his head onto Hakyeon's shoulder. When Hakyeon pulls away Jaehwan lifts his head and Hakyeon kisses his cheek. "Go to bed then." Hakyeon says and Jaehwan grabs Hakyeon's wrists before he can walk away._

_"You're coming with me then."_

 

◇◆◇

 

**January 6th 2015**

_"Where were you last night?" Jaehwan asks Hongbin as they stand together. "You left me out here by myself."_

_Hongbbin shrugs. "When I got home last night I saw that you were with Hakyeon so I didn't bother."_

_"Why?" Jaehwan asks and he shivers as the water runs over his feet. "Hakyeon loves you."_

_"Hate to break it to you Jaehwan but he really doesn't." Hongbin mutters._

_Jaehwan shakes his head at what Hongbin says. He sighs and closes his eyes, tries to think of a happy place but he can't because his happy place is here and now, underneath the stars. He leans into Hongbin and opens his eyes, looking at the sky. The stars are never the same so Jaehwan takes time everynight to study the ones that he can._

_The thing about winter that no one likes is that it's cold out and the days are shorter. Winter was one of Jaehwan's favorite seasons because there was more time at night to watch the stars._

_Jaehwan pulls his phone out of his pocket to check the time. 12:34 AM. Hakyeon should be coming out to get him soon._

_Jaehwan shoves his phone back in his pocket and rests his head on Hongbin's shoulder. Hongbin's body stiffens and Jaehwan furrows his eyebrows. He doesn't relax for about a minute and Jaehwan wants to ask why, always wants to ask why Hongbin stiffens when Jaehwan touches him, but he doesn't. It's not his place to._

_In the distance he hears a door slam shut and he knows it's Hakyeon coming out to get him. The same door slams shut again after a few seconds. Hakyeon never came for him._

 

 

◇◆◇

 

**January 17th 2015**

_The stars look cloudy through the window in Jaehwan's room and he sighs, looking back at Hakyeon. He's sound asleep and Jaehwan honestly doesn't understand why he couldn't go to the shore tonight. He'd already tried sneaking out once, actually just a few minutes ago, but Hakyeon had somehow heard him and told him to stay. Jaehwan sighed and sat back down on the floor by his side of the bed. Hakyeon was sleeping in his spot, hand on his shoulder to make sure he didn't leave. Jaehwan presses a soft kiss to Hakyeon's hand before looking back out of the window._

_He thought about opening it but the cold air outside would disturb Hakyeon and he would have to close it anyways. Going to bed was an option seeing as how he always takes the morning shifts (why is something he hasn't exactly figured out) but he wasn't tired. He was never tired at night anymore._

_Hakyeon stirs in his sleep but doesn't move his hand from Jaehwan's shoulder and Jaehwan hears him sigh._

_"I thought you were asleep." Jaehwan says, looking back at Hakyeon and Hakyeon sits up with one hand behind him supporting his weight._

_"I thought you would be in bed by now. It's nearly one in the morning" Hakyeon mutters._

_"I'm not tired though." Jaehwan rests his head against the bed and Hakyeon runs a hand through his hair, Jaehwan groaning at the feeling. "Please sit with me."_

_Hakyeon doesn't say anything as he leaves the bed, sitting on the hard floor with Jaehwan. His eyes fight to stay open and he ends up closing them in the end, resting his head on Jaehwan's shoulder. Jaehwan runs a hand through Hakyeon's hair and Hakyeon scoots a little closer to him. Jaehwan sighs and smiles, this feels nice. It feels right._

_"What's your dream?" Jaehwan asks and Hakyeon shrugs his shoulders._

_"To go to bed with you at an appropriate time." Hakyeon mutters and Jaehwan pulls on his hair gently, no sting behind it._

_"That's not a real dream."_

_"Being a dancer." Hakyeon sighs and Jaehwan nods his head. He already knows why Hakyeon isnt following his dream, because it won't pay the bills. Jaehwan's been there before._

_"Can we please go to bed now? You're going to be half asleep at work."_

_Jaehwan nods his head and Hakyeon stands up, falling back onto Jaehwan's side of the bed. Jaehwan chuckles and lays down on Hakyeon's side, Hakyeon curling up in Jaehwan's embrace._

 

◇◆◇

 

**February 13th 2015**

_It's silent on the bus, Hongbin sleeping next to Jaehwan and there was no one else but them. Their stop was the next one but it wasn't for a couple of minutes. Hongbin shifts in his seat, resting his head on Jaehwan's shoulder. Jaehwan hopes that he is better pillow than the window._

_Jaehwan's phone vibrates in his back pocket for the fifth time in ten minutes and he sighs. He knows it's only Hakyeon being worried about him but five texts in ten minutes was a bit much. He's already told Hakyeon where he was going but clearly that wasn't enough. Jaehwan doesn't check his phone though, leaving it in his back pocket._

_"Hongbin..." Jaehwan whispers, shaking Hongbin gently to wake him up. It was only eight pm but Hongbin must have gotten no sleep last night. "Time to get off the bus."_

_Hongbin groans, lifting his head from Jaehwan's shoulder. Jaehwan smiles at the pout on Hongbin's face and chuckles when Hongbin tries to rub his eyes but hits his hand on his camera. Hongbin struggles to keep his eyes open and Jaehwan thinks it's the cutest thing he's ever seen._

_"We're almost home." Jaehwan says and Hongbin nods his head._

_When the bus comes to a stop Jaehwan has to drag Hongbin up from his seat. The bus driver wishes them a good night before they get off and Jaehwan smiles. They have to walk down a street to get home which isn't bad at all. As they walk, Hongbin drifts over to Jaehwan until he gets to close and then takes a couple of steps away from Jaehwan._

_"Why are you so tired already?" Jaehwan asks._

_"You did keep me up all night." Hongbin groans._

_"It was only one in the morning."_

_"All night."_

_Jaehwan chuckles as they turn a corner and Hongbin's house is the second one closest to them. Hongbin doesn't say anything as he crosses the street, only turning around once he's at the front door to wave at Jaehwan. Jaehwan waves back before walking down the street, heading to his own house._

_The lights in his house were still on and he smiles at the thought of getting to spend time with Hakyeon. He expects a whole lecture about not answering Hakyeon's texts, or even checking them, but Hakyeon is silent when he walks inside._

_"Bad day?" Jaehwan asks as Hakyeon gives him a hug and he nods his head against Jaehwan's chest. "Want to talk about it?"_

_Hakyeon nods his head again and Jaehwan lets Hakyeon drag him around the house until they get to their bedroom. Hakyeon tells Jaehwan about his day until he falls asleep in Jaehwan's arms._

 

◇◆◇

**February 27th 2015**

_The smile on Jaehwan's face slowly disappears when he walks into his house. Hakyeon watches Jaehwan walk around until he sits down next to him. Hakyeon doesn't do anything when Jaehwan tries to cuddle up next to him and Jaehwan eventually stops trying. He sighs and Hakyeon doesn't look at him._

_"Where have you been?" Hakyeon asks quietly, his voice almost a whisper. Jaehwan looks at him with wide eyes._

_"What?" His voice is soft and Jaehwan hates the way it sounds._

_"I barely see you anymore, Jaehwan. This past week it seems like you have been gone."_

_"What do you mean? You know where I go and what I do." Jaehwan starts and he bites his lip before continuing after realizing that Hakyeon wasn't going to say anything yet. "I go to work, come home-"_

_"And then you leave to hang out with Hongbin." Hakyeon cuts Jaehwan off and Jaehwan furrows his eyebrows, turing on the cushion so that he was facing Hakyeon. "What's so special about him?"_

_Jaehwan scoffs, glaring at Hakyeon now. "He is just a friend, and you know that. Do you think I love him or something?"_

_Hakyeon doesnt say, or do anything for a while and Jaehwan folds his arms across his chest. Hakyeon finally nods his head and Jaehwan moves to stand up but Hakyeon grips one of his forearms, preventing him from leaving._

_"I'm sorry, I didn't mea-"_

_"You're right, maybe I do love him." He pulls his arm out of Hakyeon's grip before leaving again._

_As Jaehwan walks off the grass and onto the sand he'd wish he would have said something else. He's not in love with Hongbin, not at all. Hakyeon must be crazy to even think that. Hongbin is his best friend._

_The water is always cold against his feet, even more so at night. The stars always shine but tonight they look dull. Jaehwan feels dull. Maybe the stars reflect how he feels, and maybe they dont but Jaehwan likes to think things that are close to impossible._

_He tells his problems to the moon and the stars because they won't tell anyone. Not Hakyeon, and not Hongbin. He talks about how Hakyeon had accused him of being in love with Hongbin and he talks about how he never thought of Hongbin as anything more than a friend. He's upset that Hakyeon made conclusions before he talked it through with him._

_He sighs deeply when a door, the door to his housr, opens and slams shut. He walks further away, not wanting to see Hakyeon. He has time still to look at the stars by himself and he takes every second of it before he can hear Hakyeon's steps in the sand behind him._

_"Please, leave me alone." Jaehwan mutters but he only hears Hakyeon come closer. Hakyeon stands by his side and it's easy to keep looking at the stars instead of at Hakyeon. He used to do it everynight when Hakyeon would join him outside, too caught up in all the stars._

_"I'm sorry." Hakyeon says and Jaehwan shakes his head from side to side in a silent, no you're not. "I didn't mean it."_

_Jaehwan looks down at the ground to avoid looking at Hakyeon. "Why would you accuse me of that? He's my best friend." Jaehwan whispers and he kind of hoped that Hakyeon didn't hear it over the wind. He doesn't want to talk to Hakyeon right now._

_Jaehwan looks up at Hakyeon and he can see that Hakyeon is deciding his words. He shrugs his shoulders and Jaehwan sighs. "I guess I'm just jealous."_

_"Good, you should be." Jaehwan says and he ends up smiling even though he didn't want to. Hakyeon smiles back and he wraps his arms around Jaehwan, turning Jaehwan in his embrace to give him a proper hug._

_"Are we okay now?" Hakyeon asks, his words muffled against Jaehwan's chest._

_"Yeah, we're okay."_

 

◇◆◇

 

**March 6th 2015**

_The alarm on Jaehwan's phone goes off at 6:45 every morning and he hits the snooze button 4 times today, back to cuddling with Hakyeon after he presses it each time. Hakyeon slowly wakes up from Jaehwan moving around too much and he reaches over to stop the alarm. It's 5 minutes until 7 and Hakyeon shakes Jaehwan until his eyes open._

_"Babe get ready, you're going to be late for work." Hakyeon says and Jaehwan groans, closing his eyes again and rolling onto his stomach. Hakyeon thinks about running his nails down Jaehwan's bare back to wake him up but he decides against it._

_"Do I have to go?" Jaehwan whines and his voice is heavy, laced with sleep. "I'll call in sick."_

_Hakyeon smiles at the thought of getting extra time with Jaehwan and he picks up Jaehwan's phone, unlocking it and dialing Jaehwan's work. "Here, its calling now." Hakyeon says, holding the phone to Jaehwan's ear. Jaehwan makes him hold it, his eyes still closed and he coughs to clear his voice of sleep a bit._

_Hakyeon bites his lip when Jaehwan starts talking, asking for a sick day and when Jaehwan nods his head Hakyeon takes the phone away, hanging it up. "Got the day off." Jaehwan mutters before Hakyeon lays back down with him and Hakyeon rubs Jaehwan's back as they drift off to sleep._

 

◇◆◇

 

**April 8th 2015**

_Jaehwan is outside earlier than usual today, sitting down at the edge of the tide where the water wont touch his clothes. His hands play with the sand around him, picking some up and letting it slip through his fingers._

_He smiles when he sees Hakyeon sit down next to him, the first star already out. "You don't have to be out here." Jaehwan says, knowing that Hakyeom would rather spend the nights inside._

_"I know." Hakyeon says, his head on Jaehwan's shoulder. "I just wanted to be with you and anyways, it's not as cold out tonight_

_Jaehwan doesn't say anything more, beginning to fall in love with the night sky all over again as the stars shine and the moon whispers for him to talk. There isn't much to other people who look up at the sky every once in a while, but to Jaehwan it's different. The night sky is Jaehwan's whole world. He sees constellations, both the bright and dull stars, he sees the two brightest planets that stand out as little sparkles, the way the clouds can make everything foggy, and the way the craters in the moon make a difference._

_Hakyeon doesn't understand all the things that Jaehwan loves about the nigt sky._

 

◇◆◇

 

**April 31st 2015**

_Hongbin is the first to join Jaehwan underneath the stars tonight and Jaehwan doesn't have to ask himself if Hakyeon would be outside tonight or not when he hears his door slam shut. Jaehwan smiles wider when he looks at Hongbin and he never notices. Hakyeon joins them in a minute and they walk to the tide together._

_Hakyeon and Jaehwan hold hands all the way there and Hongbin doesn't say anything about it. Jaehwan talks more with Hongbin, it seems to come easier with him than with Hakyeon. They talk about how black the sky is and whether or not they were going to get sleep tonight. Jaehwan doubted they would seeing as how him and Hongbin both had the day off tomorrow. Hakyeon just listens, not really knowing how to add to the conversations._

_They tide rolls against their feet and Jaehwan squeezes Hakyeon's hands twice and Hakyeon doesnt really know why but squeezes back anyways._

_He hears Jaehwan and Hongbin talking about running into the water for a few seconds and then running back, and when he is asked if he wants to do it too he shakes his head as he steps back. Hongbin and Jaehwan roll their pants up as far as they will go and before they run into the water, Jaehwan presses a kiss to Hakyeon's cheek._

_Hakyeon watches and smiles as they run into the water, laughing when Jaehwan falls over as they come back. Hongbin is laughing too hard to help him up and Jaehwan laughs himself. Once Hongbin is calmed down fro laughing he offers his hand to Jaehwan and he takes it. His clothes are soaked from his waist down and Hakyeon knows that was Jaehwan's favorite shirt._

_The look on Jaehwan's face as he and Hongbin run back doesn't slip past Hakyeon. The smile Jaehwan has on his face when he looks at Hongbin is wider and Hakyeon doesn't feel hurt when he realizes that Jaehwan really is in love with Hongbin. Jaehwan used to look at Hakyeon the same exact way, Hakyeon remembers because he used to wonder why Jaehwan's smile was always off when he looked at him. Jaehwan doesn't take his eyes off of Hongbin until they get back onto the sand, when Jaehwan gives Hakyeon a hug and gets his clothes wet too._

_Hakyeon hugs Jaehwan tighter, wonders what is so special about Hongbin._

 

◇◆◇

 

**May 4th 2015**

_Jaehwan taps his spoon against the side of the glass bowl that sits in front of him, uneaten cereal left in the bowl now soggy. He waits for Hakyeon to wake up, and he smiles when he hears him coming down the stairs. Hakyeon says a good morning to Jaehwan when he walks in, hair still a mess and shirt hanging off one of his shoulders._

_He grabs the bowl from the counter, preparing his own cereal. He stands as he eats his cereal and Jaehwan looks up at him._

_"I love you." Jaehwan says and Hakyeon doesn't look at him, stirring the cereal in the bowl around with his spoon._

_"Please, don't lie to me." Hakyeon mutters and he finally looks at Jaehwan._

_Jaehwan looks hurt but Hakyeon cant help but nit to feel sorry for him. "What are you talking about?" Jaehwan asks and Hakyeon doesn't miss the way one of his hands curl into a fist before he lets it go._

_"You dont love me anymore." Hakyeon says. "You love Hongbin."_

_"Didn't we already talk about this? I already told you that I don't lo-"_

_"You can say what you want but I saw the way you looked at him the day we both joined you that night." Hakyeon cuts Jaehwan off. "I saw it, Jaehwan. The way you looked at him- you used to look at me the same way. You might not realize that you love him, might never realize it because you're so insisted on keeping him as your best friend and nothing more than that, but I know that I'm not the one you're in love with."_

_"I-" Jaehwan's eyes well with tears but he doesn't let them fall. He doesn't know what to say to Hakyeon because the more he thinks, the more he looks back on all the times he's hung out with Hongbin in the past few months, he finds that Hakyeon is right. "I'm sorry."_

_Hakyeon shrugs his shoulders. "I'm not upset that you love him, whatever makes you happy know that I'm happy for you."_

_When Hakyeon leaves him alone in the kitchen Jaehwan lets the tears fall._

_Jaehwan has stood outside at the shore everynight since he had moved into the house with Hakyeon, and he'd hope everynight that Hakyeon would join him. He hears the door to his house slam shut but Hakyeon never comes out to be with him._

 

◇◆◇

 

**May 5th 2015**

_There's a key, Hakyeon's key to the house, and a note sitting on one of the counters when Jaehwan walks into the kitchen. His eyes widen and he runs upstairs to his bedroom. All of Hakyeon's stuff is gone, the bed sheets unmade, and Jaehwan feels the tears run down his cheeks. He hurries back downstairs, grabbing the keys and the note before he leaves._

_The note gets crumpled in his hand from clenching it but Jaehwan cant bring himself to care as he walks across the street to Hongbin's house. He knocks three times before he hears the Hongbin unlocking the door._

_"Jaehwan, it's three in the morning what are you doi-" Hongbin begins to say but then stops himself when he sees that Jaehwan was crying._

_"He- he's gone." Jaehwan cries as he hands the crinkled note to Hongbin, the keys in his other hand._

_Jaehwan hasnt read the note yet and he doesn't want Hongbin to be the first so he takes it back once he's inside._

Jaehwan,

You fell in love with someone else and I want you to be happy, so be happy now. Don't worry about me.

Hakyeon.

_He wants to rip the note up but he doesn't, handing it to Hongbin instead. He wies the tears from his cheeks, wanting to call Hakyeon and scream at him, tell Hakyeon that he is still in love with him. Jaehwan doesn't though. He knows he never will._

_Hongbin lets the note fall down to the floor and he brings Jaehwan into a hug and Jaehwan huhpgs him tighter than he did with Hakyeon. He cries into Hongbin's shoulder and he holds Hongbin's shirt between his fists, clenching and unclenching them._

_"Why did he leave?" Hongbin asks, his voice soft in Jaehwan's ear._

_"He thinks I'm in love with someone that isn't him."_


	3. Final

Jaehwan almost doesn't want to go outside to watch the stars tonight but when he looks through the window in his bedroom he sees Hongbin walking out to the shore. He flicks his eyes up to the sky but as usual, there are no stars out again. He hopes that maybe, just maybe, the stars might come out when he's standing next to Hongbin. He smiles at the thought of seeing the stars again as he walks down the stairs and out of his front door.

The wind blows as Jaehwan walks across the sand and he pulls his jacket tighter around himself. His hair is probably a mess but he doesn't have the motivation to fix it. It's just Hongbin anyways.

As Jaehwan walks he searches the night sky for a sign that the stars are still there, that Hakyeon really didn't take every star when he left. Hakyeon had left because he'd thought Jaehwan was in love with someone else. Jaehwan never understood _why_ or _how_ Hakyeon could ever think those things, but he likes to believe he's finally starting to get it. It's Hongbin, the person Jaehwan loves. Hongbin hasn't left Jaehwan but he's not Hakyeon. Hakyeon took Jaehwan's whole world and Hongbin is the one taking back every individual star, _every piece of Jaehwan._ He's placing them in the night sky for Jaehwan to see every night, to help him remember who he is and why Hakyeon left him. Jaehwan thinks that's enough for Hongbin to be his Hakyeon.

Once Jaehwan is close enough to Hongbin he sighs, catching Hongbin's attention. He turns around and smiles when he sees Jaehwan. "I never told you who he thought I was in love with, did I?" Jaehwan asks, his gaze directed at Hongbin instead of the night sky.

Hongbin shakes his head slightly and as the smile slowly disappears from his face, Jaehwan knows why. Knows what Hongbin is thinking. Jaehwan usually ends up crying when Hakyeon is mentioned but not tonight, not under an almost starless night with Hongbin. Jaehwan's smile doesn't falter as he walks to Hongbin's side.

They stand with their shoulders touching and their hands entwined. The wind has dyed down now but Jaehwan doesn't notice as he searches the sky, whispering and begging for the stars to come out in this moment. To stop hiding from nothing.

"You." Jaehwan says finally and Hongbin looks at him, a smile on his face again. "He thought I was in love with you." Jaehwan pauses for a few seconds before opening his mouth again but he closes it right after, shoving the words back down.

"And?" Hongbin asks, urging Jaehwan to continue.

"And I threw away all of the picture I had of Hakyeon and I." He swallows to keep his throat from closing up. He can prove to himself and Hongbin that he is over Hakyeon now. "He's really not coming back this time."

Hongbin doesn't say anything as he looks back up at the sky. There are millions of stars and he wonders if Jaehwan can see any of them. He squeezes Jaehwan's hand twice, a silent question of _can you see them?_ , and Jaehwan squeezes back twice. _Yes._

It's been a year since Jaehwan has seen any stars and smiled as wide as he is in this moment. The stars were always Jaehwan's favorite, and Hongbin is happy that Jaehwan can finally see them again. Hakyeon had taken, pulled every single star out of the night sky when he'd left and Hongbin is finally putting each star back where they belong. Each star is a piece of Jaehwan, a piece that Hakyeon had broken and hidden for a year, and each star tells Jaehwan in this moment everything he'd forgotten about himself when Hakyeon had left.

"And..." Jaehwan trails off, not completely sure if he should continue or not. He looks at Hongbin the same time the younger turns his head. Hongbin's eyebrows are raised and his eyes are gentle, telling Jaehwan that he could say whatever he needed.

"And what?" Hongbin asks.

"Nothing." Jaehwan says, his lips curving into another smile. Hongbin smiles too before he looks away but Jaehwan's gaze lingers on his face for a couple more seconds before he looks away, back at the stars that have been hiding for a year.

After a few more minutes of standing there Hongbin pulls on Jaehwan's hand, catching his attention. They start walking away from the shore and Jaehwan pouts. "I don't want to go inside yet." He says and Hongbin starts shaking his head.

They stop walking and Hongbin pulls Jaehwan down to the ground with him. The sand is damp and cold against their legs. "Were not going inside… just laying down instead of standing." Hongbin says and the both of them lay down. Hongbin's arm is wrapped around Jaehwan's back to keep him close and Jaehwan was hesitant to lay his arm across Hongbin's stomach.

Jaehwan has a fuller range of stars to look at now and his smile never fades. His head is resting on Hongbin's chest and a warm feeling floats through Jaehwan's body. Hongbin rubs little circles into his back and although Jaehwan always told Hongbin that it was weird to do that when they hugged for a while, he finds comfort in the tiny motion. Comfort Hakyeon barely ever offered.

When Jaehwan looks away from the stars and the moon and the clouds that make everything look dusty at night, he looks at Hongbin. He doesn't know if he's imagining the stars being there tonight or if he was imagining that the stars were gone the whole time. He doesn't know if the stars will be in the sky tomorrow night or the night after that but all Jaehwan cares about is this moment. Hakyeon had never liked to stay outside everynight with Jaehwan but Hongbin has, and Jaehwan realizes how much it means to him. The stars had disappeared and he was lost without them, but the whole time Hongbin stayed by his side.

Every single night Jaehwan asked Hongbin why Hakyeon had left him and it was the same answer everytime. He doesn't know if Hongbin said the same answer everytime because he was trying to help Jaehwan figure out who he was in love with, or because Hongbin was only trying to help him remember. Either way, Jaehwan found out within himself that he had always been more than friends with Hongbin and had never realized it when he was with Hakyeon.

He was still in love with Hakyeon when he had left though. The Hakyeon who dragged him back to bed, and who (on occasion) stayed outside with Jaehwan to watch the stars. Hakyeon was his whole world and Jaehwan was almost completely lost without him. The stars had disappeard when Hakyeon left and Jaehwan always had the thought in the back of his mind that if he went outside, he would be waisting his time because there would be no stars anyways. He liked to keep his hopes up though.

With Hakyeon, the stars shined beautifully but without Hakyeon they disappeard from Jaehwan. Hongbin had been the one to bring them back to Jaehwan.

The stars were Jaehwan's whole world, not the sun or the daytime, but when everything was dark outside and the stars were one of the brightest things in the night sky. Hongbin brought Jaehwan's world back to him, and Jaehwan couldn't be more thankful for that.

Jaehwan moves the hand he has on Hongbin's hip to Hongbin's hand and entwines their fingers. He squeezes three times, something new to Hongbin and Jaehwan doesn't tell him what it means. Hongbin squeezes back once but it's good enough for Jaehwan.

 

◇◆◇

 

The tide rolls over Jaehwan's feet and its not cold or warm. The sun was just beginning to set but he wanted to surprise Hongbin by being out there first. His knees are drawn up to his chest and his fingers were crossed, out of sight of anyone that could see him. He is hoping that the stars would stop hiding when the sky gets darker and the world quiets down.

The last few people left ten minutes ago, Jaehwan counts the seconds until the sun goes down and Hongbin comes outside. The silence is everywhere around him, even the water crashing in the near distance sounds quiet to Jaehwan.

Another minute passes and Jaehwan uncrosses his fingers as the sky grows darker and the first star pops out. He begins to wonder where Hongbin was at. _He wouldn't ditch, would he?_ Hongbin never did even on the many nights when Jaehwan didnt show up.

Two more minutes pass and all of the oranges and pinks and yellows have faded from the sky, replaced with a dark blue and black. The colors are dark, but they bring comfort to Jaehwan. More comfort that Hakyeon had ever provided.

The stars come out one by one, minute after minute, and a smile stretches across Jaehwan's lips. His fingers run through the sand picking some up and letting it sit in his palm, feeling it run through his fingers. He doesn't miss the sound of a door slamming and he waits for Hongbin.  
He can hear footsteps in the sand and he smiles wider at the thought of Hongbin finally being there with him.

Hongbin sits down next to him and he sighs. "You're out here early."

Jaehwan looks over at Hongbin. "Yeah.. I kind of wanted to surprise you because I'm never the first one out here anymore ever since Hakyeon left."

Hongbin smiles and looks down at the ground before looking at the stars. Jaehwan chuckles before looking away too.

Jaehwan counts star after star after star. It always amazed him how easy it was to get lost in the night sky.

Jaehwan covers his feet with sand and then watches it fall off as he lifts his feet from the ground. Hongbin does the same after a few minutes of just watching Jaehwan and he smiles softly to himself. Jaehwan can see it out of the corner of his eye and he smiles himself. He hasn't smiled in a while.

Before, a smile was hard for Jaehwan to manage but now, with Hakyeon gone and Hongbin still standing by his side, it was easier. He lets the corners of his lips curve up and feels relief wash through his body.

Hongbin reaches over and slides his fingers against Jaehwan's, locking them together. Jaehwan looks up from the sand and the water that runs over their feet to look at Hongbin only to find that Hongbin was still looking at the stars. It was easy for him to get lost too, Jaehwan concludes.  
Jaehwan looks back to the night sky and squeezes Hongbin's hand three times. He smiles when Hongbin only squeezes back once again.

 

◇◆◇

 

Jaehwan looks out of the window in his bedroom, the sky already full of stars. He can see Hongbin sitting out there, the same spot they were in last night, and he chuckles lightly at how small Hongbin looks. He throws on a light jacket before leaving the house, his door slamming shut behind him.

He jogs out to the shore to get to Hongbin faster and he watches the stars as he goes along. Once he gets close enough for Hongbin to hear his footsteps he notices Hongbin standing up. He stops jogging a few feet away from where Hongbin stands, his smile wide and full of teeth.  
Jaehwan breathes heavily, the jacket he has on makes him a little warmer, and the wind messes up their hair but neither of them do anything about it. Jaehwan decides that he wouldn't trade this moment for anything else in the world.

"Hakyeon left because he thought I was in love with you." Jaehwan says as he walks closer to Hongbin. "I threw away everything that has kept me tied to Hakyeon ever since he left because he isn't coming back this time."

Hongbin's eyebrows furrow and he smiles softly. "I know." He says but Jaehwan shakes his head.

"And…" Jaehwan's voice cuts off and he sighs, looking up to the stars.

"And?" Hongbin asks encouraging Jaehwan to continue.

The wind beings to pick up more and Jaehwan runs a hand through his hair. Their shirts try to fly the way the wind goes and sand brushes past them.

"And I think I'm in love with you." Jaehwan confesses to Hongbin and to himself after a year of believing he wasn't in love with Hongbin.

Hongbin lets the words sink in and Jaehwan smiles watching Hongbin realize what he just said. Hongbin blinks once, twice, before softly taking Jaehwan's face in his hands. The first time their lips touch becomes the most recent memory in Jaehwan's mind instead of Hakyeon.

Hongbin's lips are soft compared to Jaehwan's but it doesn't matter the first time they kiss, or the second, or the third.

They kiss underneath a sky full of stars, the moon and stars their only source of light where they stand. They kiss as the wind blows harder and the water crashes against the shore behind them. They kiss to forget all the times Jaehwan had been hurt and to remember the true reason why Hakyeon had left. Jaehwan wouldn't trade this moment, as they stand with their lips connected and wind blowing, for anything else in the world.

Out of all the times Jaehwan had wondered how it would feel to kiss Hongbin, none of it compares to the actual thing.

For the rest of the night they follow their usual routine of watching the stars and Jaehwan squeezing Hongbin's hand three times. Jaehwan expected one squeeze back from Hongbin but he gets three instead. Jaehwan smiles the widest he has ever since Hakyeon had left, and he's happy that Hongbin is the first person to see it.

People usually think that darkness and night are the endings of some things but to them, it was the beginning of their new found relationship, happiness, and the ending of Jaehwan's pain.

**Author's Note:**

> So originally, this was not supposed to be a chaptered story but I figured I might as well make it chaptered because it will make everything much clearer and I will have a better chance at finishing it. I like the story line I have set out so far, so please look forward to it! This story was also supposed to be more kenbin centric but I had no other reason for Jaehwan to be stuck in the past other than him being in love with Hakyeon. Also, the next chapter will hopefully be longer than this. Thanks for reading!


End file.
